Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Dear You,

Dear you, 

       Just when I told you that I give up on military men, you said something that I never expected you to say. You see, when I first started telling people that I think I want to marry into the military a lot of people acted like it was just a phase, like I didn't know what I was talking about. They kept telling me all the negative things about it as if I had never factored the cons into the equation. So I finally let the negative things get to me. How he would be gone for many months at a time. How I would have to raise my kids on my own half the time. How it's really hard to find a god-fearing gentleman in the military. How a lot of men in the military have bad tempers. I let them get to me and decided fine, no more military.

        Then you turned to me and told me what absolutely no one has told me. Honestly, I take your word for it because you know first hand what it's like to be a part of a military family. Your dad is in the military so I know that you miss him too when he's gone and that you know what it's like for your younger sisters and your mom. You told me that I would be a really good military wife. Why? You told me because I'm faithful. Not only that, you said that when he leaves, I know how to take care of myself and I will know how to take care of my children. When he comes back I'll be good at helping him "drop back in" to our lives as if he was only gone for a day or two. That I would make sure my children know what's going on and that they know their father. That I would let my husband recuperate if he needs to every time he comes back and that I would be good at preparing myself emotionally every time he leaves.

        I wanted to cry because I had always thought that I was capable of these things but I had never told anyone because since they had already rained down the cons I assumed they would just think that I'm just saying it because I feel like I have to defend myself. Now I know that I don't have to defend myself, I just have to be true to myself. You helped me see that because you know my true self and so you saw all these qualities in me and I didn't even have to say anything. I think in the same way it is similar to how I know you. I mean, at first, I never saw you with the man you're with now. That's because I had not yet known him and plus he was just a boy back then. Though the more time I spend with him I see how much you two fit together and I see how much he has changed into the man that you need in your life. 

      I'll admit I'm jealous of you sometimes because you really have not dated many guys and you've already found someone with whom you've had a committed relationship for three years. I find it amazing. However, when I find myself feeling a little jealous I remind myself that you went through hardships too and that your relationship is the ultimate example I should follow. This is why I stopped dating; because I want to follow your example in hopes that my patience will be well rewarded. In fact, because God blessed you so wonderfully, I know that He will bless me too and that I just have to be patient and continue to praise Him. In fact, you and him, your parents, my parents, even our family friends from church are all examples that God truly wants us to be happy and that there is such a thing as true love and marriages that last until we leave this world. I'm utterly and completely thankful to have you as one of my best friends. Even though we don't talk often, every time we do get a chance to talk or spend time with each other, I am just so happy and I get recharged and encouraged. You always encourage me to further my faith and trust in our God Almighty and I thank you so much for that. I love you so much from the depths of my heart and that will never change. You are not only my sister in Christ but also my sister in love. This goes for your sisters too and your parents are two of the best parents in Christ I could ever ask for.

I love you, 

Monday, December 5, 2011

Quote, unquote.

"Too much of the good life ends up being toxic, deforming us spiritually."
- David Goetz

     Many times I have found this to be so true. In his book Crazy Love, Francis Chan points out that a lot of things in this world are good by themselves. However, when we take it all in at once, we get so distracted or consumed that it keeps us from living fruitful lives for God. Reading this book is really starting to open my eyes. In fact, based on this little passage alone there are so many examples and insights that spring to life in my mind. Especially in today's world full of technology, which will only increase as time ticks on, it is so easy to get consumed into all these things that are "good." Let's start minimal. Cell phones: good for communication when you're out and about. In fact many household no longer have land lines as all or most members of the family have cellulars. Computers: today we can use the to read the news, watch movies, write blogs, do homework, keep in contact with each other, etc. Television: it keeps you entertained. Radio: It feeds you music or talk radio shows.  Oh and by the way you can access the news through all of theses medias. These are all good things right? They have advanced our society to higher efficiency levels and in the process, I think, lower standards. So many things that are indeed good, can turn out to be bad for our relationship with God. Even things as simple as reading a book, eating food, or writing poems. If we don't make time for God, we can easily get lost in all the good around us and in the end it will all come crashing down into a whole mess of bad. 

     From another point of view. This statement could also point out that many times, something so horribly wrong in our lives (or just something bad) has to happen before we can realize how blessed we are. If it takes a punishment to acknowledge a blessing then something is definitely wrong with our relationship with God. We should praise Him throughout the good and continue to praise Him throughout the bad. Our relationship with God is not meant to be "You give, I give. You take, I take." Also the bible does say that if we ask then we shall receive but that also doesn't mean the God is our maid. He does not bend to our every will, wish, or want. No. It is we who are blessed with what we need and so much more. When God blesses us I do believe that we are meant to pursue Him even more because He blessed us. It is not that we are praising him so we can receive. When we live like this, is when we are submitting to the relationship of "I only come to you when I want something." Often times we do this in our lives and sometimes it becomes a habit that we don't even realize it. In this sense, when our relationship with God has boiled down to this, that is when we are truly, spiritually deformed. It is sad, yes. Although the happy ending in this is that God has the power to make us whole again and if we pursue Him because He blesses us then we can be on the path to true fulfillment and life in light of Jesus Christ. 


Friday, December 2, 2011

Two things.

Lately so many short stories about Jane have been formulating in my mind. In fact, I want to write them. Then I get nervous. A few of these stories about Jane are going to be a little graphic and I'm not too sure that I can dumb it down enough to give Jane enough justice and meaning in her stories. I don't know. Tell me what you think.

Also, I think I'd like to start a cookbook blog! I'll probably create it on Tumblr because Tumblr is the main site that I blog on. It will consist of recipes of my own and recipes that I love to make! Oooh! Pictures too! I think I'll make a cooking blog. When I do I will definitely post the link on here for you all to follow if you'd like. =)

Back to stories of Jane. I feel like they are just aching to be written. Like so much relief will come upon me once it's all out. Oh but I don't know. I'm a bit conflicted. I may end up writing them anyway. However, I don't want to use them up as free writes so I shall wait as patiently as I can until we are assigned a short story.

Until then,


Thursday, December 1, 2011

Oh. My. Goodness!

Stephen Wilson Bethel is my new celebrity crush.
Mmm mmm mmm he is just so dreamy! He's got like that perfect boy-band look turned into a man and just the perfect amount of body hair. Oh dear, a pretty boy like him can just make it so easy for me to let my imagination run wild. Ooh and I just love his accent in that new show on CW, Hart of Dixie. My oh my, can he please ask me out on a date? I mean, I know we're like 7 or 8 years apart but does age really matter? I hope his career blossoms from soap operas to movies so I can easily follow his career  ^-^ now, now.... let's not get obsessed.

Oooh, he is just so fine! >_<


Sunday, November 27, 2011

Nana's legacy.

The best thing that happened this weekend is that my aunt gave me a box filled to the brim with my Nana's jewelry. I was so happy. When my grandmother first died, my aunt becky told me that I could choose whichever jewelry I wanted and that her granddaughter would get the rest. At the time, I was really young and a tomboy. Jewelry wasn't really my thing and I didn't exactly value things at the same level as I do now. When I came to the house on the Friday after Thanksgiving, this box was a lovely surprise. This time, her granddaughter was able to pick what she liked (which was about two pieces) and I got the rest. Several pieces are broken and need to be restored, but that is not a problem for me since I happen to have the necessary tools for repairing and enhancing jewelry.

I also told my younger cousin that when I'm wearing something she really likes, she can have it. Also that I would pass down a lot of the collection to her. I need to keep some for my daughter too. So that's the best thing about this weekend.

Oh! I also have an awesome black friday story but that, my dears, can wait until later.
This post was for Nana.
Nana's legacy... her jewelry is the key to many memories I have of her. Her style was definitely funky but the amazing thing is that a lot of it is in style today. Even if it was not, I would still wear them. I will  wear them so that I'll have a story to tell. I will wear them so that I'll be reminded that I'll see her again some day. I will wear them so that Nana's legacy can live on.

All my love Nana,



A Happy Thanksgiving with a happy ending?

Thanksgiving day with my family.
Well... some of it. My parents and my oldest brother are in Hawaii. My older brother and I went to our relative's house to join their thansgiving dinner party. It was a lot of fun and it felt good to see my extended  family again. People I haven't seen in a long time. I met my new baby cousin, four days old, Lyla Marie. So beautiful and so precious. I finally got the chance to spend time with my not-so-new baby cousin who is soon to be a year old. She took a liking to me so quickly. It was fun.

Though, I did almost cry a couple times while I was eating. Why?
Every time I ate a bite of stuffing I would think "hmmm, it's missing something" because my daddy makes the best stuffing I've ever had and eating stuffing made by my aunt on Thanksgiving day only reminded me  how much I missed him.

Not only that, a few people tried to talk to me about my parents or ask me if I know what they are up to for Thanksgiving. Of course I knew the answers, of course I let them know. I could hardly speak much though. I always gave short, to the point answers.

Once I almost had to leave and go to the restroom. Thankfully I downed a whole glass of water instead, which caused me to hold my breath, which caused my tear ducts to stop.

I wonder if anyone noticed.
I don't think anyone did.
Everyone was so immersed in their own separate conversations.
I just sat amidst it all...eating. Slowly eating.

Then pie came. There were five different kinds of pie and not one of them was custard.
Custard, the pie I always bake every year.
Custard, the pie that was my paternal grandfather's favorite.
Custard, my favorite.

There were five pies because my aunts wanted to buy everyone's favorite.
She forgot my favorite.
So we talked about getting a custard for the party the next day, and someone else wanted lemon custard.


What the heck kind of a pie is that?!

Anyways, there was no custard pie. =(

I really missed my family this weekend.



Saturday, November 19, 2011

Rhetorical Questions. (Part One)

Tell me, what do you do when you have feelings for someone who is out of your league?
Okay, some may say there isn't such a thing as "out of your league" seeing as you can't control who you fall in love with.
Not that this is about falling in love.
You’re not in love,  nor are you falling in love.
Tell me, what do you do when you want someone who is out of your reach?
Not just out of your reach, but so out of reach not only physically but mentally as well.
Maybe not just that. It's as if the two of you run on different time lines.
The older you get, the less the mathematical difference actually matters.
To think that we grew up in the same place and then meet... well almost ten years later.
Just one of us happened to be ten years too far, or maybe the other is just ten years not enough.
What if you could relate with this person on so many levels, but you're still so many levels too short.
You know what this person looks for and you know that you're not it.
Tell me, why do you waste your thinking energy on the thinks that completely involve this person which you think, if only things were different, could have been thinking about you too.
You go through the several scenarios in your mind.
"If we spent more time together."
"If I stayed"
"If I had the guts to text or call this person out of the blue or to ask this person to  just grab a cup of coffee with me, or maybe as simple as to walk to class with me."
"If I had been older."
"If I had been prettier."
"If I had been taller."
"If I had been... a different ethnicity."
"If I had been more aggressive."
You keep on thinking about the ifs, ands, ors, buts along with the should haves, could haves, and would haves.
Then you realize you're being ridiculous because you'd never change a single thing about you just for someone to like you better or more.
The reason that person is your friend-borderline-acquaintance in the first place is because that person took a liking to you.
Now you just wish that you could admit, confess, reveal the way you feel and if everything goes wrong then be able to erase that memory and go back to the way things were because you'd rather be a friend-borderline-acquaintance than a not-anymore.
So you end up not taking the risk.
Tell me, what can you do when you have feelings for someone who is out of your league? 


Stories of Jane: Meant to Be

     Have you ever been in love? 

        I haven't; neither has Jane. It's her story I'll be telling to you. I promise it won't take long. Let me first start by proclaiming that this definitely will not be a story about love. As sure as elephants don't fly. Well, of course with the exception of Dumbo, however he is a fictional character. A figment of Walt Disney's imagination. Jane...her story isn't fiction.
        It was her first semester of college. Her first time living away from home and with two roommates. After school she always caught the metro to the station nearest her apartment and walked home. One night as she walked home she noticed a nice looking young man. At least, the silhouette of one. He was across the street, waiting to cross parallel to her. They looked at each other, and both looked away. As they crossed she saw him look again in her peripheral vision. She kept walking, home was only one house away.
        She heard him call. She stopped then. Looked over and watched as he jaywalked across the street and stopped in front of her. His hazel-green eyes stared down at hers, his dirty-blond hair freshly cut military style. His brawn evident in the way his white, short-sleeved t-shirt fit around his torso.
        "Whoa! You look way younger closer up." A soft scoff escaped her lips and her braces shown through as she replied calmly.
        "Hi. I'm eighteen." Her nervous smile could barely be covered up.
        "Hi. You're eighteen? I'm Austin." He presented his hand to her as if asking for a handshake. She shook his hand firmly, the way her father taught her.
        "I'm Jane. How old are you?"
        They continued to walk.
        "You live around here?" Jane asked him.
        "Well, right now I'm on my way to see a friend. I live around the corner and down the street."
        "What about you?"
        "I live right here." She stopped in front of the gate to her apartment complex. She watched and blushed a little as Austin walked a few steps forward and then back tracked, realizing she had stopped.
        "Well, I came from school." Jane said as she pointed to her messenger bag. "I've gotta get inside and do homework."
        "Okay, well, can I have your number? We should hang out some time." Austin replied.
        Momentarily contemplating what her next words should be she fiddled with the keys in her hands, bit her lip a little bit before giving any kind of indication on her decision.
        "Umm, sure." She finally said. She figured maybe he wouldn't actually call her and that with this expectation of him not calling her, she wouldn't be disappointed considering she had no idea who this boy  was. Though at the same time, here she was giving her phone number to a complete stranger. Nevertheless, she took the risk. They exchanged phone numbers and just before he left he asked her,
        "It's Emily, right?"
        "Uh, no. It's Jane. It's Austin, right?"
        "Yeah, Austin. I'll be sure to put you down as Jane in my phone. Nice to meet you." He finished and in an attempt for a better farewell he leaned in for a hug, though with her messenger bag placed in front of her it turned out to be quite awkward. A slight "Um" escaped her throat as he tried to hug her. When he pulled away they looked at each other again and he turned around and left, continuing his previous journey down the street. Jane turned toward the gate, put in her electric key, opened the gate, and walked through.
         "He's definitely not going to call me." She whispered to herself. 
         Once in her apartment she changed into her sleep clothes and flopped onto bed, too tired to do any homework and not looking forward to work in the morning.


Friday, November 18, 2011

An Adequate Salutation

Good morning and good afternoon!
This could be the start of something wonderful or beautiful or perhaps wretched and ugly.
Nevertheless, it doesn't matter how slow you go so long as you do not stop.

In the meantime,
I'll fare thee well and guarantee that the future of this blog will have in store short stories, free writes, poems, songs, quotes, maybe pictures I may want to share.

Have a lovely day.